Pussycat Dolls - Jay ho lyrics

(Jai Ho)
(Jai Ho)
I got (I got) shivers (shivers)
When you touch away
I'll make you hot
Get all you got
I'll make you wanna say
(Jai Ho)
(Jai Ho)
I got (I got) fever (fever)
Running like a fire
For you I will go all the way
I'm gonna take you higher
(Jai Ho)
I keep it steady, steady
It's how I feel it
(Jai Ho)
This beat is heavy, so heavy
You gonna feel it
(Jai Ho)
You are the reason
That I breath
(Jai Ho)
You are the reason
That I still believe
(Jai Ho)
You are my destiny
Jai Ho.. oh oh oh oh..
(Jai Ho)
No, there is nothing
That can stop us
(Jai Ho)
Nothing can ever
Come between us
(Jai Ho)
So come and dance with me
Jai Ho.. ooh..
Catch me, catch me, catch me
Come on, catch me, I want you now
I know you can save me
Come on, save me, I need you now
I am yours forever
Yes, forever
I will follow
Anywhere in anyway
I never gonna let go
(Jai Ho)
(Jai Ho)
Escape (escape) away (away)
I'll take you to a place
This fantasy of you and me
I'll never lose my chance
(Jai Ho)
Yeaaahh..
(Jai Ho)
Yeaaaahhh..
I can (I can) feel you (feel you)
Rushing through my veins
There's an ocean in my heart
I will never be the same
(Jai Ho)
Just keep it burnin', yeah, baby
Just keep it comin'
(Jai Ho)
You gonna find out, baby
I'm one in a million
(Jai Ho)
You are the reason that I breathe (that I
breathe)
(Jai Ho)
You are the reason that I still believe (still
believe)
(Jai Ho)
You are my destiny (my destiny)
Jai Ho.. oh oh oh oh..
(Jai Ho)
No, there is nothing
That can stop us
(Jai Ho)
Nothing can ever
Come between us
(Jai Ho)
So come and dance with me
Jai Ho.. ooh.
(feel me, it's destiny)
Catch me, catch me, catch me
Come on, catch me, I want you now
I know you can save me
Come on, save me, I need you now
I am yours forever
Yes, forever
I will follow
Anywhere in anyway
I never gonna let go
(Jai Ho)
Yeaaah..
(Jai Ho)
Yeaaaahhh..
(Jai Ho)
I need you
Gonna make it
(Jai Ho)
I'm ready
So take it!
(Jai Ho)
You are the reason that I breathe (I breathe)
(Jai Ho)
You are the reason that I still believe (I still
believe)
(Jai Ho)
You are my destiny (my destiny)
Jai Ho.. oh oh oh oh..
(Jai Ho)
No, there is nothing
That can stop us (stop us)
(Jai Ho)
Nothing can ever
Come between us
(Jai Ho)
So come and dance with me
Jai Ho.. ooh.
(feel me, it's destiny)
Jai Ho!
Baila baila!
Baila baila!
Jai Ho!
Baila baila!
Jai Ho!
(See it, baby..)

Aloo Chaat

Dhadke Jiya (Remix)


Dekho Zara,Kitna Hasin Hain, Phir Ye Samaa.Hain Na
Jee Le Zara Ek Pal Mila Jo ,Tanhaayee Ka...Hian Na

Wahi Hasna Hasana, Kuch Keh K Yun Sharmana
Kuch Batein Yun Hi Aankhon Se Hi Kar Jana

Accha Lagta Hai Ye Chehra Takte Jana.
Ab Aa Jo Gaye Ho To Na Phir Jana
Haaaaaaaan

Ye Hi Dua
Yun Hi SadaWooow
Tere Liye
Dhadke Jiya
Dhadke Jiya.

Ye Raasta Gum Hoga
Ye Dar Tumhen Hain Na

Main Aaspass Kahin Hun
Itna Yakeen To Hain Na

Teri Har Aahat Ka Chup Chup K Peeche Peeche Aana
Mujhe Tanhayee Me Tera Ek Lamha De Jana

Shayad Ye Lamha Bhi Phir Khuda Ne
Tere Mere Milne Ka Socha Hain Bahana
Haaaaaaan.

Yahi Dua..
Yun Hi Sadaa Woooooow
Tere Liye.
Dhadke Jiya (2)

Palke Yun Jhuki To Kuch Huva Tha
Ye Pal Jaise Ruk Sa Gaya Tha.

Mere Sapno Me Bhi Har Baar To Aana
Ab Aa Jo Gaye Ho To Na Phir Jana
Haaaaaaaan..

Ye Hi Dua Yun Hi Sadaa .Woooooooow
Tere Liye.
Dhadke Jiya
Dhadke Jiya..
Dhadke Jiya.

Aloo Chaat

Aloo Chaat (title song)

Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Chat
Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Chat
Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Chat
Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Chat
Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Chat
Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Chat

Chamak Ke Chandu Chanda Chacha
Chakachaundh Kar Jaayega
Tim Tara Tim Tara Taaron Si
Kismat Chamki Chamkaayega
Bass Khel Sapaata Hai Sab
Baaki Teekhi Meethi Chat Hai

Khit Pit Khit Pit Karte Phir
Chutki Mein Ghul Mil Jaaye Re
Ticket Kata Kar Dekh Tamasha
Ishq Da Rang Jado Chaayega

Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Chat
Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Chat
Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Chat
Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Chat
Oh Yeah

Chamak Ke Chandu Chanda Chacha
Chakachaundh Kar Jaayega

Hey Hey Hey

Seedhe Baide Aade Tedhe
Raste Haige Pyaar De
Itthe Uttho Kitho Jaana
Khap Gaye Asi Pyaar Mein
Ho Gori Chitti Mem Pakar
Hun Chatak Chatak Chitkaare Le
Nikal Padi Jo Kashti Saadi
Jo Hona Ho Jaan De
Ticket Kata Kar Dekh Tamasha Ishq Da Rang Jado Chaayega

Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Chat
Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Chat
Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Chat
Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Chat

Oh Yeah Oh Yeah

Chaasni Naal Chidhakh
Phikka Batashaa Nai Chaidaa
Mirch Masaala Page Hoywe
Rang Tamasha Nai Chaidaa
Ticket Kata Kar Dekh Tamasha Ishq Da Rang Jado Chaayega
Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Chat
Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Chat
Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Chat
Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Chat
Oh Yeah
Aloo Aloo Aloo Aloo Oh Yeah

Aloo Chaat

Life is sizzling aloo chaat

Come on
Yeah yeah

What Should I Say?
Common Say Common Say
How Should I Say?
Common Say Common Say Na

Just Hear Me Up
Just Hear Me Up
Just Hear Me Out
I Just Wanna Say Say Say SaY
Love Story Lafde Vich Pai Gayi
Dil Di Yaara Lag Gayi Vaat
Just In Brief I’ll Tell U What
My Life Is Just Like An Aloo Chaat

My Life Is Just Like An Aloo Chaat
Oh Yeah Oh Yeah Whatever

Aloo Chaat
Aloo Chaat
Aloo Chaat
Aloo Chaat

Kudi Badi Soni But Anhoni
Apni Prem Kahani Hai
I Can Bet If That Doesn’t Met
Hum Dono Mein Than Jaani Hai
Pyaar Udhar Parivaar Idhar
Pyaar Udhar Parivaar Idhar
The Situation Is Hot Hot Hot
My Life Is A Sizzling Sizzling Aloo Chaat
My Life Is A Sizzling Aloo Chaat
Oh Yeah

Mushkil Ki Hai Yeh To Bata De?
Dukhda Ki Hai Khul Ke Suna De
Kaisi Ladki Kiski Ladki?
Kam Se Kam Photo To Dikha De
Then I Tell Koi Kaam Ki Baat
Why Your Life Is An Aloo Chaat
Ho oooooo oooo Haan
Kaise Sunau Kaise Batau?
Husn Ka Chehra Kaise Dikhau?
Aankhon Mein Uski Ek Chamak Si
Saason Mein Mehka Gulshan Hai
Gaal Gulaabi Chaal Sharabi
Gaal Gulaabi Chaal Sharabi
Madhoshi Ka Aalam Hai


Aloo Chaat Aloo Chaat
Pal Pal Uske Saath Main Khush Tha
Ab To Har Pal Darta Hu
Jantar Mantar Jadoo Tona Jaane Kya Kya Karta Hu
Ab Yahi Mannat Hai Meri
Yahi Hai Mere Dil Ki Baat
Rabba Mainu Ghodhi Chadha De
Saj Dhaj Ke Jaaye Baarat
Make My Life A Spicy Aloo Chaat

What Should I Say?
Common Say Common Say
How Should I Say?
Common Say Common Say Now
Just Hear Me Up
Just Hear Me Up
Just Hear Me Out
I Just Wanna Say Say Say Say
Love Story Lafde Vich Pai Gayi
Dil Di Yaara Lag Gayi Vaat
Just In Brief I’ll Tell U What
My Life Is Just Like An Aloo Chaat
Aloo Chaat
Aloo Chaat
Aloo Chaat
Aloo Chaat

Aloo Chaat

Dhadke Jiya


Dekho Zara,Kitna Hasin Hain, Phir Ye Samaa.Hain Na
Jee Le Zara Ek Pal Mila Jo ,Tanhaayee Ka...Hian Na

Wahi Hasna Hasana, Kuch Keh K Yun Sharmana
Kuch Batein Yun Hi Aankhon Se Hi Kar Jana

Accha Lagta Hai Ye Chehra Takte Jana.
Ab Aa Jo Gaye Ho To Na Phir Jana
Haaaaaaaan

Ye Hi Dua
Yun Hi Sada Wooow 
Tere Liye 
Dhadke Jiya 
Dhadke Jiya.

Ye Raasta Gum Hoga 
Ye Dar Tumhen Hain Na

Main Aaspass Kahin Hun
Itna Yakeen To Hain Na

Teri Har Aahat Ka Chup Chup K Peeche Peeche Aana
Mujhe Tanhayee Me Tera Ek Lamha De Jana

Shayad Ye Lamha Bhi Phir Khuda Ne
Tere Mere Milne Ka Socha Hain Bahana
Haaaaaaan.

Yahi Dua..
Yun Hi Sadaa Woooooow
Tere Liye.
Dhadke Jiya (2)

Palke Yun Jhuki To Kuch Huva Tha
Ye Pal Jaise Ruk Sa Gaya Tha.

Mere Sapno Me Bhi Har Baar To Aana
Ab Aa Jo Gaye Ho To Na Phir Jana
Haaaaaaaan..

Ye Hi Dua Yun Hi Sadaa .Woooooooow
Tere Liye.
Dhadke Jiya
Dhadke Jiya..
Dhadke Jiya.

Are you unable to understand any of your favorite Bollywood songs or interested in learning them? Don't worry, in my Blog you will find something carzy.....just request if you wish more.....

Laugh and Laugh more

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad".

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home.I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad,

I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together.

Even though Randy is much older than me anyway,42 isn'tso old these days is it?),and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our elationship,don't you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way.

He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.

Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone
and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter,

Rosie.


At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO". Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house.I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home. I love you!!!
-----------------------

Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.

But we didn't use them", the Sardarji complains.

Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

But we didn't go to any of those shows," sardarji complains again.

"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies "But we didn't use it". The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check.
"But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's right," says the sardarji,

"I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well," the Sardarji replies, "she was here, and you could have."
------------------

I was barely sitting (public loo) down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!"

And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"
--------------------

THE A - Z OF ALCHOHOL!!

A - ARISTOCRAT
B - BAGPIPER
C - CONTESSA
D - DIRECTOR SPECIAL
E - EIGHT PM
F - FUN DROP
G - GOD FATHER
H - HAYWARDS
I - IMPERIAL BLUE
J - JOHNY WALKER
K - KING FISHER
L - LIME DROP
M - MUGHAL MONARCH
N - No. 1
O - OLD MONK
P - PETER SCOTT
R - ROYAL STAG
S - SEA GRAMS
T - TEACHERS
U - UB STRONG
V - VAT 69
X - ***
Z - ZINGARO

N WONDER IT CONSTITUTES THE LANGUAGE OF ALL N SUNDRY...LOL..

One Kiss Per Yard

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk.

"That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.

The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."

Secrets to a Happy Life

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"

"Well, honey, I smoke five packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "Five packs of cigarettes!!!"

"I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-eight," he said.

Flight Conversation

For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren.

She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children.

She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren.

"Oh, I've done all the talking, and I'm so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me... what do you think of my grandchildren?"

Scared Driver

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said: "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years.....

Clever Prisoner

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: “Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some flowers in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?”

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: “Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money.”

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: “Dear Husband, You wouldn’t believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the entire back garden.”

The prisoner wrote another letter back: “Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the flower.”

Urgent vacancy for the post of girl friend

Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives are mentioned below.

Designation : Junior girl friend (trainee)
Experience : Must have ditched at least 2 guys (Fresher with excellent credentials will be considered)
Other requirement : Should have the Potential to do street bargaining and fight if required.

Age : 18-26 (if the individual is too good looking but not in the age group can also apply, special consideration will undertaken for them)
Height, weight, complexions no bar, but is subjective.

Perks and incentives:
Total gross ( Monthly ) :
· 2 gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000/-(no precious metals, stones)
· bike rides each duration 1 hour
· trips to National Highways
· 5 Trips to Hanuman Mandir / Isckon Temple
· Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days
· Daily Provision of Samosa/Bread Pakoda/Bhel worth Rs. 10 /-
· 2 movies (Family movies only) per month (on weekends)
· Visits to Shopping Malls and BARISTA every Weekend (On your own expense)

A Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to demand will be gifted, subject to finance availability and to the size available with the shopkeeper.

Net Deductions (Monthly): Affair Fund and un-professional taxes will be informed on joining
The probation period is 6 months, after which confirmation (with Promotion to fulltime Girlfriend)

Plz NOTE:
1. Only females.
2. Girls who left in the last 2 months need not apply.
3. Ex-girlfriends will be eligible only if they agree to the above mentioned conditions.

There is more:
For girls who are not eligible, can take advantage of the referral. Program by referring their friend, colleagues etc.

Candle light or Tube light dinner will be given on every referral, even if candidate is not selected.

Search..... never ends!!
Interested candidates can send their resume with

Subject:
Name/fresher- exp/age.
Photo must be in attachment. to the email address via mail
Note: Applications without photo will be rejected.

See the guts!

On a ship, the Project managers of three different companies belonging to 3 different nations were traveling with their Trainee guys.

They started an argument on whose Trainee engineer had more guts. The American PM called for one of his man and told him to jump off and take a round swimming around the moving ship.

The Trainee did as he was commanded. The American PM boasted of by saying, “See the guts!”

Now the German PM called out for one of his man and asked him to take two similar rounds around the moving ship.

The Trainee did as he was told. When he came back from the water the German PM said, “See the guts!”

Now the Indian PM called out for his most courageous man and asked him to take five similar rounds.

The Trainee promptly replied, ” Why the hell should I ???”

The PM proudly said, “See the guts!”

Horse Pulled Over By Cop

An Amish lady is riding down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.

“Ma’am, I’m not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.”

“Oh, I’ll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home.”

“Another thing, ma’am. I don’t like the way that one rein loops across the horse’s back and around one of his balls. I consider that animal abuse. That’s cruelty to animals.”

Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop.

“Well, dear, what exactly did he say?”

“He said the reflector is broken.”

“I can fix that in two minutes. What else?”

“I’m not sure, Jacob … something about the emergency brake…”

If you will try to kiss (Hindi)

Girl : If you will try to kiss me main shor macha dungi

Boy : Lekin yahan to dur tak koi nahi hai.
Girl : I know per formality to karni hi padegi.

Kya Tum Ek Haath Se… (Hindi)

Ek ladki apny boy friend k sath nai car main long drive par ja rahi thi achanak ladki kehnay lagi, “suno ! kya tum ek haath se garri chala saktay ho ?”

“Kyun nahi” ,ladkay ne baday fakher se kaha.

Ladki ne aahista se kaha, “to phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf kar lo.”

Kitne admi they? (Hindi)

Gabbar : Kitne admi they?
Sambha : Sardar 2

Gabbar : Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba : Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai

Gabbar : Aur 2 ke pehle?
Samba : 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.

Gabbar : To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba : Beech mein koi nahi aata

Gabbar : To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Samba : 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.

Gabar : 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba : 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.

Gabbar : Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samnba : Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do..

Roopvati, Gunvati and Dhanvati (Hindi)

Dad : The girl whom I showed you is roopvati, gunvati and dhanvati. So you should marry her.

Dad and son

Son : But the girl whom I love is roopvati, dhanvati and garbhvati so I must marry her.

Literal Translations from English Language to Hindi

How do you do?
* Kaise karte ho?

Keep in touch!
* Chhoote Raho.

Lets hang out!
* Chalo bahar latakte hain !

Have a nice day!
* Achcha din lo!

What's up?
* Uppar kya hai?

You're kidding!
* Tum bachcha bana rahe ho!

Don't kid me!
* Mera bachcha mat banaao!

Yo, baby! What's up?
* Beti Yo, uppar kya hai?

She's so fine!
* Woh itnee baareek hai!

Listen buddy, that chick's mine, okay!?
* Suno dost, woh chooza mera hai, theek?

Cool man!
* Thandaa aadmi!

Check this out, man!
* Iskee chaanbeen karo, aadmi!

Hey good looking; what's cooking?
* Arrey sundarta ki devi; kya pakaa rahee ho?

Are you nuts?
* Kya aap akhrot hain?

Son of a gun.
* Bachcha bandook ka.

Rock the party.
* Party mein patthar pheko.

Don't mess with me, dude.
* Mere saath gandagi mat karo, e vyakti.

Job at the FB

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews And testing were done, there were 3 finalists;

Two men and a woman..

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of The men to a large metal door and handed Him a gun.

'We must know that you will follow your Instructions no matter what the circumstances.

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting In a chair . . . Kill her!!'

The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could Never shoot my wife.'

The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man For this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions.

He took the gun and went into the room. All was Quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, But I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't Have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the Same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the Gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one After another. They heard screaming, crashing, Banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was Quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the Woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to Beat him to death with the chair.'

MORAL:

Women are crazy. Don't mess with them. 

Time Sheets 

An accountant dies and goes to heaven.

He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name.

After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, "I'm sorry I wasn't here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a remarkable man as yourself."

The accountant is perplexed. "I've tried to lead a good life, but I am overwhelmed by your welcome," he tells St. Peter.

"It's the least we can do for someone as special as you are. Imagine, living to the age of 160 and still looking so young," says St. Peter.

The man looks even more dumbfounded and replies, "160? I don't know what you mean. I'm only 40."
St. Peter replies, "But that can't be right - we've seen your time sheets!"
 

Mexican Delicacy 

An american was touring Mexico. After his day's sight-seeing, he stops at a
local restaurant. While sipping his wine, he notices a sizzling, scrumptious
looking platter being served at the next table. Not only it looked good, but
the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What was that you just served
the gentleman at the next table?"

The waiter replied, " Ah, senor, you have excellent taste! Those were the
bull's testicles from the bull-fight this morning. A delicacy!"

The American was momentarily daunted when he learnt the origin of the dish.
But then he said, "What the hell? I am on vacation! Bring me an order!"

The waiter replied, "I am sorry, senor. There is only one serving a day,
since there is only one bull-fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow
and place your order, you will be sure to have this delicacy!"

The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and was served
the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, he called
the waiter and said, "These are smaller than the ones I saw you serve
yesterday!"

The waiter replied, " See, senor, I know. But sometimes the bull wins." 
 

It’s time to go to school!

Early one morning, a mother Sardarni went in to wake up her Sardar son.

“Wake up, son. “

“But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.”

“Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.”

“Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me also!”

“Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.”

“Give me two reasons why I should go to school.”

“Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the PRINCIPAL!”

Bihari lecturer

A new Bihari lecturer was unable to control the class. The guys were just talking without giving any attention to him.

So he wanted to send a guy who was creating most of the problem out. But he didn’t know how to put it in English…

He went near the guy. Shouted “follow me”. The guy followed him till he went out of the class. Now the lecturer turned back and again shouted “Don’t follow me” and went inside the class…

A new thermos flask

A man goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, “What is that shiny object?”

The clerk replies, “That is a thermos flask.”

The man then asks, “What does it do?”

The clerk responds, “It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold.”

The man says, “I’ll take it!”

The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His sardar boss sees him and asks, “What is that shiny object with you?”

He said, “It’s a thermos flask.”

The boss then says, “What does it do?”

He replies, “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”

The boss said, “Wow, what do you have in it?”

The man replies, “Two cups of coffee and a coke.”

Modernization (Hindi)

Girl of 1960 : Aye bahar hai…jia bekarar hai… aja moray balma tera intezar hai.


Girl of 2009 : Aye bahar hai…jia bekarar hai… aje moray balma warna dusra tayyar hai.

I don’t want to upset you

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.

“C’mon, tell me,” she asked for the 1000th time, “I know you’ve been with a lot of woman before. How many were there?“

The husband replied, “Look, I don’t want to upset you, there were many. Let’s just leave it alone

The wife continued to beg and plead and promised she wouldn’t get angry.

Finally, the husband gave in.

“Okay,” he said, “Let’s see, there was one, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there’s you — nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen…..”

God is with us

Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, “What do you think you are doing?“

“What if you have an accident?”

The priests say, “Don’t worry, my son. God is with us.”

The policeman says, “In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle.”